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Want your child to listen better? Try the prompting hierarchy

January 17, 2014 by Leave a Comment

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       I.            Does this sound familiar?

“Johnny, put on your shoes.”

“Put on your shoes Johnny.”

“Johnny!  Pay attention!  Put on our shoes!”

“Put on your shoes!”

“ARRRGGGHHH!!!”  (parent loses mind… Johnny is still shoeless)

If you have kids then you’ve probably had this interaction (or one like it).  Repeating the same command over and over as your child blissfully ignores you until you lose your mind.  Why does this happen?  They say that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior over and over expecting the same results.  So, parents MUST be crazy because we insist on repeating ourselves to our kids ad nauseum hoping they will suddenly listen to us.

Ok, so we aren’t crazy even if our kids sometimes make us look that way.  There must be a solution to though to what to do to get kids to listen when we want them to do something.  One answer is using prompts.  Prompts are assists that help someone to display a behavior we want to see. For example, demonstrating a behavior for your child and then having them copy you would be an example of a modeling prompt (you modeled the behavior).  If you make your prompts progressively more assistive, you can ultimately guarantee your child will do what you want.  More importantly, this makes sure that the child receives praise and reinforcement  from you for displaying the behaviors YOU want to see.

     II.            The different kinds of basic prompts

There are four basic kinds of prompts I like to use with my kids:

Gesture – some sort of non-verbal movement that will elicit the desired behavior. In the above shoe example, pointing the shoes could be a gesture prompt.

Verbal – a brief verbal statement meant to bring about the behavior. That’s all that was used in he above example.

Model – demonstrating the desired behavior.  In the above example, I might pick up the shoe and then put it down while saying “Like this, now you try.”

Physical – helping the child to physically do the behavior. So, hand over hand helping the child pick up his shoes and put them on.

  III.            Putting the prompts to use

Putting everything together is pretty simple.  After the child is told to do something, you wait a bit for them to process and comply.  Then, if they don’t do what you want, you give them a prompt.  Personally,  like to start with the gesture prompt as it is the least intrusive.  Wait a bit, then go to the next level of prompt (verbal) if the behavior doesn’t happen.  Keep working up the hierarchy until you get the behavior you were looking for.  As soon as the behavior occurs, make sure to deliver reinforcement in the form of praise.  With this system, you guarantee you don’t repeat yourself forever trying to get your child to listen,  Also, you guarantee that the child gets praised for doing the behavior.  Finally, you only give as much help as the child needs to do what you want.  So, you might start out having to physically assist but over time that will naturally fade to verbal, gesture and hopefully with no prompts (child does the behavior when first directed to do so).

If you wish to learn more about prompting strategies or to schedule a free consultation with me, call 484-693-0582 email erikyounglpc@verizon.net or press the schedule appointment button to the right.

©Erik Young, M.Ed., LPC

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Filed Under: Autism, Behavior Modification, change, family, Social Skills Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

New Year’s Resolutions versus The Stages of Change

December 30, 2013 by Leave a Comment

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The Christmas holiday is over.  Surrounded by the carnage of torn wrapping paper and mangled boxes, we look to the future.  Soon, it will be New Year’s eve.  Maybe because it’s a “natural” transition…or maybe because it’s tradition, we tend to start thinking about the past and looking to the future.  From this has arisen the idea of the New Year’s resolution…the promise of change that we make to ourselves to hopefully make the next year a little better than the one that just passed us by.

Truth be told, I’m not a big fan of the resolution.  Well, that’s not true…I’m all about making resolutions and change for the better.  I just don’t see why we should only do it once a year.  I figure if you need to change…then change.  Don’t wait for an arbitrary date to do so.  However, that’s not the point of this article.  No…I want to speak to you about HOW to change…not when or why.

I.                   Ever struggled with making changes?

If you answered “no” to that question, you are either the luckiest, most enlightened person in the universe…or a total liar.  Everyone struggles with change.  Change is difficult.  It’s stressful.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve decided to make a change in my life.  Committed to the process…only to fall on my butt.  Sometimes it’s because life got in the way.  Other times I wasn’t really ready.  Still other times I changed, but it just didn’t “stick”

I tell you this now because I often reflect on how ironic it is that I as a mental health professional whose job it is to facilitate change in others struggle personally with making changes myself.  In fact, all my colleagues seem to have the same dilemma.  However, in my studies I have learned a thing or two about change…things that have helped me personally and certainly helped my clients to change.  So, in the spirit of making changes for the new year, I offer you this look into the theory of “stages of change.”

II.                 Prochaska and DiClemente — Stages of change

I came across this change model while I was finishing up my degree.  I’ve found it to be incredibly helpful in my own efforts at change as well as those of many of my clients.  Here it is in a nutshell:

  1. “I don’t have a problem…YOU have a problem”– (Precontemplation) – Not considering change.  Doesn’t recognize there’s a problem.  “Ignorance is bliss.”  You probably won’t recognize if you are in this stage…but you will know if a loved one is here.  If your child, spouse, friend, etc is here, then your goal is to raise awareness.  Make connections between the person’s behaviors and the problem at hand.  I often find myself saying “How’s that working for you?” to clients stuck at this stage.
  2. “I know I have a problem, but what can I do about it?”—(Contemplation) – Recognizes there may be a problem or a need to change, but doesn’t know what to do about it.  Most of us become aware at this stage.  We often try to force a change here but this is a mistake.  Because we don’t know everything about the problem any solution we come up with is liable to be inadequate. It’s like trying to bake cookies without reading or understanding the recipe.  The goal here is to be patient and really understand the problem thoroughly.  Once you understand it, then you can change it.
  3. 3.       “I know what’s wrong, just need to figure out what to do about it.” – (Preparation) – Recognizes a need for change and is starting to explore the problem and come up with a plan to address it.  Here we start putting together a plan for change.  We draw on all our resources to get ready to change. 
  4. 4.       “I’m working my plan!” – (Action) –  Recognizes a need for change.  Understands what needs to be done, has a plan and is “working” that plan.  Pretty straight forward.  This is where most of want to be but try to get here too soon.
  5. 5.       Maintenance – Has achieved the desired change and is now actively maintaining that change for the long haul.
  6. 6.       Relapse – Due to unforeseen circumstances, has reverted to old patterns of behaviors and regressed.

It is important to note, while most people go through the stages in order, one does not have to go through ALL the stages.  One might go from precontemplation to action in a short period of time if a plan comes together.  One might also move backwards through the stages if bad things happen.  Also, one can be in different stages of change with different problems all at the same time.  The bottom line is, change can be complicated and messy (no surprise there, right?).

III.              Match the intervention to the stage

What does this have to do with you and your New Year’s resolution?  Everything!  If what you are trying to change does not match up with your readiness to change (the stage you are in) then you are most likely doomed to fail from the get go.  So, take a good long look at what you are planning to do.  Examine where you are at…be honest with yourself.  What stage are you at?  Once you figure out that, then the next steps become easier to figure out.  Match what you are going to do with the stage you are in and work towards the next stage your chances for success are increased.

So, let’s say you are in the contemplative stage.  You know that you need to change but are not sure what to do.  Your task then is to understand the whats, whys and wherefores of your desired change.  How did the problem come about?  What are the resources you bring to bear?  Once you gain enough understanding, then you can move towards preparation and make a plan.

Let’s say you are at the action stage.  Great!  Work your plan…but how are you going to maintain the change?  What are you going to do if things go off the rails?  Figuring that stuff out ahead f time can increase your chances of success.

What if you are in maintenance?  You’ve made that change and are successful?  What happens if you relapse?  How are you going to view yourself?  Do you have a plan to get back on track? If you do, then your chances of overcoming a setback are much greater.

I hope you’ve found this information helpful.  If you want help in navigating a life change, then please contact me for a free consultation. erikyounglpc@verizon.net  or 484-693-0582

 

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Filed Under: Behavior Modification, change, family

HEADACHE? WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ HEADACHE! A Stress busters that works!

October 8, 2013 by 1 Comment

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Friends, I don’t normally put out articles within a week of each other.  I like to give my articles time to breathe (and I don’t want to overload your inboxes with my email blasts). However, based on the events of the last few weeks, I feel moved to share the positive experiences that have occurred to me and my family.  This article is a direct follow up (a coda if you will) to the article I recently published (you can read that one here).

I.                   A headache THIS big

My daughter has given me permission to share with you, kind reader, some of what has been going on with her.  She has a complicated medical history going back her whole life. She is diagnosed with Eosiphilic Esophigitus (EE) which is an allergic condition that causes inflammation in the gut (rather than in the lungs and sinuses like typical allergies).  This leads to chronic vomiting.  We have had this under control, but my daughter came down with a stomach virus that went around our area.  Where most people got over this in about 24 hours, my daughter never really got over it.  Her stomach started spasming and she couldn’t keep food, medication or water down.  This is what ultimately led to her being admitted to the hospital.

In addition to the EE, my daughter suffers from migraine.  Yes, that is not a typo… I said migraine.  Three years ago in October, she got a migraine headache and it NEVER WENT AWAY.  On a pain scale from 0 (no pain) to 10 (worst pain you can imagine) she spends most days at a 5 or 6… with 4 being a good day.  She spikes several times a week to an 8 or 9.  Can you imagine that? Despite all the stomach and head issues, she’s been able to maintain good grades and make the honor roll consistently for years.  She is a remarkably resilient and strong young lady.

Finally, last year, she developed symptoms related to the migraine where she would “zone out” sometimes falling out of her chair or losing track of time.  She might sit in class and remember nothing that happened.  Her teachers would literally have to shake her to bring her back to present.

No amount of medical treatment seemed to help.  We tried every treatment the neurologists at the headache clinic had to offer (they eventually just said she was depressed and said we needed to give her Prozac).  We didn’t accept that diagnosis as it was weak and did not really address the issue (her depressive symptoms were a result of the pain not the other way round… NOT depression). We tried alternative treatments including chiropractic, acupuncture, and cold laser therapy.  We watched her diet… nothing worked.  Finally, we got referred to a rheumatologist who said she had Reflexive neuromuscular dystrophy and got a treatment consisting of physical therapy and neurofeedback.  This got us some relief… but the headache still didn’t go away.

II.                 Putting the pieces together in the hospital

So, in the hospital, we had to put my daughter on a feeding tube.  This was an uncomfortable and painful process for her.  She spaced out four times after the procedure.  For the first time, medical professionals were present to see what we were reporting.  Neurology was back in the picture and wanted to keep her another few weeks to do sleep/wake EEG’s to try to capture absence seizures.  We decided to hold off on that treatment and give our daughter a break from the hospital.  We took her home to heal the  feeding tube/gi issues with the intent to follow up schedule the EEG soon.

I got some interesting data from the hospital though. All four of her zone outs were preceded by great stress and a spike in her migraine (8 or above).  Her blood pressure also spiked for the entire length of the episode.  She had no memory of what occurred just prior to and during the episode.

I started questioning how we were conceptualizing this case.  This was due in large part to my recent training in a trauma treatment called EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). RND (the pain condition we figured was behind the migraines) is a disorder that arises from trauma. My daughter is sensitive (wouldn’t have EE otherwise).  What if her zone out episodes weren’t so much medical as they were psychological.  What if she was dissociating?  In trauma work we see this quite often, where a person “goes away” in some fashion to protect themselves from pain and hurt arising from a very stressful situation.  What could be more stressful than having a headache that never goes away? I know I would want to get away from that in any way possible.

The more I thought about this, the more convinced I became that maybe some of my daughter’s symptoms were best explained from a trauma perspective.  I put this to the test the next day after she got home  She was in a lot of pain and hurting.  I decided to try some Alternating Bilateral Stimulation..hereafter called ABS (a core treatment in EMDR) along with some resource installation work.

III.              … Then a MIRACLE happened.

Honestly, I figured my daughter’s headache might go down a couple of points.  If that was all that happened I would have been ecstatic!  However, that’s not what happened.  After a few minutes of ABS, her headache was at a 7.  Pretty soon it was a 6.  Here we were, sitting on the couch watching Halloween Wars on Food Network and her headache was going away.  Another round and we were at a five.  I then had my daughter do some acupressure tapping and we did another round…down two more points to a 3.  I then had her create a mental container to store her worries and headaches in until such time as she could deal with them and had her put the rest of her headache in there. That did it… another round of ABS and her headache was gone.

Let me repeat that…a headache that she had for three years…that resisted all sorts of expensive and complicated medical treatments was gone.  She healed it herself.  My daughter started crying… my wife was crying… hell I was balling like a baby myself.  It was amazing!

Her headache stayed gone the rest of the night.  When she woke up, it was back, but at a 4… eventually I got her to sit down with me for another ABS session and within a minute her headache was gone again.  It has yet to return as of this writing.

IV.             Lessons learned

What’s the take away from all of this?

  • The body/brain has a remarkable healing capacity.  The trick is stimulating it to do this.
  • It’s important to never give up on looking for solutions, even when the experts have done so.
  • Good therapy often means the therapist simply needs to get out of the way.
  • There is no better feeling than  the sense of relief you get as a parent when your child stops suffering.
  • It is hard to put pieces together (I was thinking about my daughter’s condition as medical and that was separate from my knowledge of trauma…it was not until I put these to disparate things together that the way to a solution became clear).

V.                You can do this too!

Would you like to try out Alternating Bilateral Stimulation?  It’s easy.  Try this exercise.

  1. Give yourself a gentle hug and hold it.
  2. While taking nice deep belly breaths, gently tap your arms or shoulders (right, left, right, left…)
  3. While tapping and breathing… scan your body from head to toe.  Take note of any pain or discomfort.
  4. Maintain the breathing and tapping and just note the discomfort. Let it melt away. You can even tell yourself you don’t need the pain anymore.
  5. Repeat as necessary until you feel better.

Why does this work?  There is a logical explanation that goes beyond the scope of this article but I will address it in a future trauma report.  Just try this out and see if it doesn’t help you settle your mind and maybe mitigate some aches an pains.

If you want to learn more about EMDR or maybe work through some trauma, please feel free to contact me to set up a free consultation.  erikyounglpc@vrion.net or 484-693-0582

©Erik Young, M. Ed., LPC

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Filed Under: anxiety, change, depression, family, relaxation, Stress

What is your life worth? The importance of connections

July 27, 2013 by Leave a Comment

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I.                   Actuarial tables and a radio program

The other day, I was listening to a radio program on NPR (a therapist who listens to NPR I hear you say?  Shocking!).  I forget which program, but the host described going to see a person who did actuarial work for insurance companies.  This person’s job was to figure out how much a life was worth so if they were injured or killed the insured parties would be properly compensated.  Pretty cold, I know…but it’s a real thing.  In any case, the guy doing the piece was shocked to find he was only worth about $35,000.  The piece went on to talk about how people with families and kids tend to be worth more, because they are connected to and valued by others.

 

II.                 Let me google that for you…

This radio piece got me thinking.  On the one hand, life is priceless.  The whole actuarial process is pretty cold and ruthless.  Then again, the idea that one’s connections to others adds value to ones life is a profound and fascinating truth.  I decided to explore the idea further.

The first thing I did was go to google and type in the search “how much is my life worth.”  Go ahead…try it.  What I found was mostly fun, time-waster sites (although there were a couple of insurance sites that came up in my search).  They all let me take little surveys that purportedly placed some sort of value on my life.  I spent some time playing with these.  I know the results aren’t remotely valid or scientific, but is was interesting.  One thing I did was enter in data as a single man (keeping age, income and health stats constant) and then as my true self as a married father of 5 kids.  As a single man, I was worth about $50,000 but as my true married self, I was worth anywhere from 1.5 to 1.8 million dollars.  Quite a difference, eh?

What does this mean?  My life is enhanced by being married to my wife.  My life as further enhanced by the birth of my two children.  When Lorrie and I set about doing foster care, my life was enhanced further.  Everytime I make a new friend or help out someone else, it leaves me feeling good and thus enhances my life.  There’s something to the idea of being connected to others adding value to one’s life.  How much is it worth when I help one of my clients resolve some personal issue and live a happier, healthy life?  That person now interacts more positively with their friends and loved ones.  How much is all that worth?  How much does a teacher helping a student discover their passion and talents add value to that student’s life?  How much does that student then add to others as they pursue their talents as a functioning adult?

golden gate bridge

III.              The story of a bridge

If you are still not convinced of the importance of the connection to others, then let’s talk about suicide.  It’s one of my areas of specialty interest.  When I was a young therapist doing his internship at the Lehigh University counseling center, the director of the center told me that to save a the life of a person who was suicidal you needed to get them connected to at least one person.  He felt that single connection would often be enough to keep the suicidal individual from going from ideation to attempt or completion.  Later on, as  Devereux clinician, I became a gatekeeper instructor in the QPR suicide intervention system by Dr. Paul Quinnet (http://www.qprinstitute.com/).  As part of the training that I received (and the training I give on this topic), we tell the story of a bridge.  Here is a condensed version of that story.

There is a bridge in a major western city (it’s the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco).  This bridge is a magnet for people who are suicidal.  They come from miles around to leap from this bridge.  It’s a pretty long fall that is almost always fatal.  However, every once in a while someone leaps from the bridge but does not die.  In all the years the bridge has been in existence, never has a person who survived the jump climbed onto shore, gone back up the bridge and tried to jump again.  Some researchers were examining this phenomenon came up with an elegant intervention.  They met with all the people involved in the upkeep and maintenance of the bridge.  All the workers, security, administration, etc.  They trained these people to be on the look out for people who might be suicidal (lone people hanging around the edge of the bridge, people looking forlorn and sad, etc.)  They then tasked everyone who worked on the bridge to approach anyone acting suspiciously and ask them if they were ok.  They were to offer their help and listen to them…no threat, no intimidation. In short, they were to connect with these people.

The results of this intervention were surprising to say the least…incidents of suicide attempts on the bridge were reduced by something like 40% (I’m not sure of the exact results as I don’t have my training materials at hand right now).  Just think about that for a second…by simply asking people if they were ok and offering to listen to  them, there was a dramatic reduction is suicide attempts.  How many lives were spared by the mere act of connection?   How much value is added by that?

IV.             Ways to connect

I want you to add some value to your life.  Go out there and make some connections with people.  You could go out and make new connections.  You could also go out and re-connect with someone with whom you’ve lost touch.  In either event, add some value to your life (and their life) by making those connections.  Still not sure how to do that?  Here are a few simple tips to grease the wheels of connectivity.

A.                The 8-5 rule

I learned about this while researching ways to teach my Asperger’s clients how to socialize more comfortably with others.  In a book by Craig Kendall, he discussed the 8-5 rule. The 8-5 rule is used by high-end hotels. These hotels instruct all their staff to smile at customers when they are 8 feet away from them.  When they get within 5 feet, they are to say “hello.”  A nice simple guideline to give a friendly greeting.  I‘ve found that not only is this a good tool to teach my Asperger’s clients how to greet  others, but a handy way to be more warm and friendly towards others in my own life.  Try this out for yourself and see if you don’t make those connections a little easier.

B.                 Two ears, one mouth – listen

It has been said that we are gifted with two ears and one mouth…and we should use them proportionally.  We should listen twice as much as we talk. People like to feel they are being heard.  When you spend the time to listen to them, they feel like you care about them.  This increases your connection.

C.                 Ask lots of questions

Finally, when you do speak to someone with whom you are trying to connect, ask questions.  Asking questions shows that you are interested in them and what they have to say.  It encourages them to give you more information that you can use to deepen your connection to them.  I guarantee that if you listen more than you talk and that if you ask questions when you do talk that you will find yourself easily connecting with others and thus adding life value to you both.

As always, I hope you’ve found this information entertaining and useful.  I welcome your stories and tips on how to connect. You can post them in the comments section below.  Also, please feel free to share this or any of my articles with others.  If you are interested in working with me to learn more about how to connect with others then contact me at erikyounglpc@vrizon.net to schedule a free consultation.

©Erik Young, M.E., LPC 2013

 

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Filed Under: anxiety, Autism, Behavior Modification, change, couples, depression, family, relaxation, Social Skills, Stress, Uncategorized, video

New Article “The Power of Play” and Online Parent Support Group

June 22, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Play therapy at work

Play therapy has become a very important element of my work with families and children.  In this article, I hope to give you parents some idea of how powerful play can be as an intervention as well as some ideas of how to utilize play with your own children.

It is Father’s Day as I write this article and I am reminded of one particular case where play therapy had a profound impact on a family.  This family had a child with severe autism.  They were unable to manage him at home and he was living at the residential treatment facility where I worked.  The child in question was very routine oriented and had an extremely restricted range of activities in which he would engage.  Basically, if he wasn’t repeatedly watching small snippets of Disney videos, he wasn’t happy.  To make matters worse, if he wasn’t happy, he tended to tantrum, hit and bite those around him.  As a result of these behaviors, not only could he not live at home but the family was challenged to even have him home for short visits.  They literally had to put the entire house on lock down to prevent their son from wandering away and at least one of them had to take time off of work to stay up all night to supervise their son.

Read more…

 

Starting on Tuesday, July 16 at 8:00 pm to 9:30 pm, I will host an online special needs parent consultation and support group on the 3rd Tuesday of every month.  As a special needs parent myself, I know how hard it is to get help and support.  It takes a lot to find time and childcare to go out to a support group.  For this reason, I’m bringing the group to you.  Through a secure video chat I will host a discussion on “How to get your child to do more of what you want and less of what you don’t want.”  This is your chance to get together with other parents and share your stories as well as learn about my system of Functional Behavior Analyses made just for parents.  These sessions are free to current clients seeing me for sessions and only $10 for all others.  Simply sign up for the sessions in the secure patient area of this website.   I look forward to seeing you then!  If you have any questions, please email, call or leave them in the comments section below.

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Filed Under: Autism, Behavior Modification, change, relaxation, Stress, video Tagged With: , , , , , ,

BABY STEPS – USING MICRO-CHANGE TO MAKE MAJOR CHANGES

June 16, 2013 by Leave a Comment

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I.                   What about Bob?

I love movies.  Watching movies is one of my favorite off-task activities.  Since I’m a therapist, it probably comes as no surprise that I have a fondness for movies that involve therapists.  Of those movies, one of my favorites has to be the Bill Murray/Richard Dreyfuss comedy “What about Bob?”  True, the portrayal of Dreyfuss as a therapist is less than flattering… but the movie is hilarious.  At the beginning of the movie, Dreyfuss gives Murray’s super-neurotic character, Bob some advice.  He tells him to take “Baby steps.”  Do one little thing, then do another little thing…. Keep going until you get to where you want to go.  Using this advice, Murray is able to leave his apartment and make his way “on vacation” to New England where he then intrudes upon Dreyfuss’ family vacation.  Much hilarity ensues.

Now, it might seem strange to take therapy advice from a goofy comedy, but I’ve always said that good advice is good advice regardless of the source.  Frankly, the idea of making big changes by taking lots of little steps makes sense to me.  Back when I was a piano teacher, there would always come a time where my students would start freaking out over learning their first long piece.  “It’s TOO long!  I can’t do it!” Is what I would hear.  I would ask them a question my mom posed to me when I was young.  I would ask them, “How do you eat an elephant?”  Inevitably, they would scrunch their faces up, think about it… then say “I don’t know.”  The answer is “ONE BITE AT A TIME.”  Like baby steps in “What about Bob?” you eat an elephant (i.e. Tackle a big problem) by taking the first step (or bite) and then do the next thing and the next until you get to where you need to go (or there’s no more elephant left).  What if you aren’t hungry for elephant?  Then I guess you’re out of luck.

II.                 Defining micro-change

This idea of taking lots of little steps to solve problems is what I’ve come to term “micro-change.”  Big changes take lots of work.  Big changes take lots of planning.  Big changes take significant sacrifices and resources to make them happen.  This is why people often avoid making big changes or start but never succeed in completing big changes in their lives.  How many times have you thought how nice it would be to have something about your life be different, but when you sat down and looked at the situation you said “Nah, too much work.”  I know I’ve done this more times than I like to admit.

Using micro-change we take a different approach.  We decide on a goal (something big or long range) and then simply decide on what the first steps are going to be.  Then we focus our efforts on the first easily attainable objective.  We focus all our efforts like a laser on accomplishing that objective.  Once it’s done, we then move on to the next step.  We don’t spend a lot of time thinking about the end goal or how long it’s going to take.  We just focus on where we are at and what we are doing until we get the step done.

I like to use this strategy with diet and exercise changes.  Instead of saying “I need to lose 50 pounds, deadlift 500 pounds and get to 12% body fat.”  (All measurable and attainable goals… but pretty big and daunting all at once).   I might say, for the next week I’m going to go to the gym at least twice and stop drinking regular sodas.”  What seems less daunting?  It’s really hard to lose a lot of weight.  It’s really hard to lift heavy.  It’s easy to cut back on sodas (and thus calories) for a week and commit to going the gym a couple of times.  At the end of the week I can look back and see exactly how I did and then set new short term objectives.  If every week I lift a little more than the week before while cleaning up my diet a little more, I will lose weight and get stronger.  Making all the lifestyle changes needed to lose a lot of weight is scary and confusing, but making one small change at a time and giving the change time to become a habit is easier.

I’ve used this same strategy to teach kids how to organize for school and get on top of homework.  I’ve used this strategy to help people overcome anxiety and fears (also known as gradual exposure therapy).  I’ve become a big fan of doing “lots of little bits” to get “big bits” done.  My motto is “keep it easy.”

III.              Guidelines to implement micro-change strategy

So, here are some tips on how to plan out and use this strategy to make changes in your life or your child’s life.

A.                Pick clear, well defined goals (measurable)

For this strategy to work, you need a clear target…. Something to shoot for.  While having a goal of “being happy” is nice, what does that mean?  What’s happy for you?  How would I, as your therapist, be able to quantify and measure happiness?  Is it how often you smile?  Is it how many friends you have?  Pick a measurable goal.  “I will lose 20 pounds”  or “I will see 16 clients a week” are measurable.  Whatever it is you want to change, focus on those things you can count and craft your goals around that.

Additionally, make sure you make note of your baseline when you start.  It’s important to know where you are at so that you can see where you are going as you make your goals.

B.                 Break goals up into smaller objectives

This is the essence of micro-change.  Figure out the steps you need to take to accomplish your goals.  Sometimes, you will be able to map the whole process out from beginning to end.  At other times, you may be able to figure out the first steps, but later steps may not be clear (depending on how those first steps go).  Either way, figure out small, attainable first steps and take action to accomplish them.  For that 20 pound weight loss goal, cutting out sodas might be a great first step, followed by cutting back on starchy carbs and then upping protein intake.  Making one change a week will lead to a virtual overhaul of one’s eating habits in the space of a month or two.  In the case of “seeing 16 clients a week” a goal might be to publish 2 articles this month (and then do it again next month) to get my name out there.  Another step might be to schedule a free community talk based on one of my articles in the next month to attract new clients.

C.                 Pick realistic target dates

Give yourself deadlines.  If you have an objective but no end date, it becomes very easy to procrastinate and put things off.  By giving yourself deadlines, you add a little bit of urgency.  However, it is crucial that your target dates are realistic.  Losing 20 lbs in a month is not a realistic target date.  Losing 6-8 pounds in a month becomes more realistic.  Cutting out soda for a week is easy…. Cutting out soda forever might be impossible.  I can always re-commit to no soda week after week as long as that change is helping meet my goal.  If anything, it is better to be a little more liberal with your target dates just to give yourself enough wiggle room for success.

D.                Collect data on progress

Since your goals are measurable, it makes sense to measure them.  If you don’t, how do you know if you are making progress?  I can make the goal of losing weight… but if I never weigh myself, measure my body, try on old clothes that did not use to fit… how do I know I’m making progress?  What if I’m making progress and then I choose a change that doesn’t work?  If I’m collecting data, that will be reflected and I can make adjustments to my plan sooner.

E.                 Reward yourself and celebrate your little victories

Finally, you need to make every effort to reward yourself and celebrate your successes.  It might not seem like a big deal that you cut out soda for a week.  It’s such a little thing.  However, you made a commitment and you met it.  That deserves a pat on the back.  We are creatures that thrive on reinforcement.  That’s what drives our behaviors.  So, reinforce your positive changes.  Celebrate your daily victories and be proud of yourself.  This will help keep your enthusiasm and motivation up while you transform your life.

So, take those baby steps.  Eat that elephant.  Celebrate the little victories and change your life!  I know you can do it.  Please tell me about times you’ve changed your life with micro-change in the comments section below.  I look forward to hearing from you.

If you wish to learn more about micro-change or would like to schedule a free consultation with me, please call 484-693-0582 , email me at erikyounglpc@verizon.net or click on the “schedule appointment” button on the right side of this page.

©2013 Erik Young Counseling LLC

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Filed Under: Autism, Behavior Modification, change, Stress
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